Mall Of America
by fictionandsleep
Summary: The crew of the Enterprise must catch and find a criminal, who has escaped to the year 2013, and hidden in the Mall of America. Kirk, Bones, Spock, Yeoman, Uhura and Sulu all go on their own adventures. There are crocs, stuffed animals, starbucks and more. Written as a sillier Star Trek fic, don't expect seriousness or great accuracy!
1. Chapter 1

**(So sorry about the mix up with loading documents. Somebody pointed out a few mistakes and I edited them, rather quickly. Once again, I'm writing this mostly just for the silly parts, I'm not trying to make this serious at all. But if you see any big mistakes, please let me know and I'll revise and re-upload whichever chapter I made them in!)**

_Star date 5928.5. We have direct orders from Starfleet HQ to track down Tom Campan, a criminal who recently escaped from his holding cell on Rha'darus. Originally arrested for cowardice, he abandoned ship during a Klingon attack, 12 years ago. We have tracked down his whereabouts to Earth, my home planet._

Aboard the NCC-1701 Enterprise, Captain Kirk is sitting in his chair, _the_ chair. He surveys the crew. Lieutenant Uhura is working on communications, her green hooped earrings dangle every time she moves her head. Young Pavel Chekov and Hikaru Sulu are driving the ship along towards Earth, and once the Earth looks as big as a baseball, they will stop the ship and await further orders. The doors open to the bridge from behind Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock arrives with an update to give the captain.

"Captain," Spock begins, his familiar tone void of any emotion. "I've found some unusual information about Mr. Campan's whereabouts."

"Don't tell me we've got the wrong coordinates."

"The coordinates are accurate, captain. The date, on the other hand, is not."

Kirk turns his head in confusion and his eyebrows raise, before he asks Mr. Spock, "The date?"

"It appears he is currently residing in the Earth year 2013, in the United States of America."

"Any closer speculation?"

"Something called 'The Mall of America', captain."

"The Mall of America?" Kirk asks, his voice drenched with shocked unbelief. He takes a moment to let the information sink in. A criminal residing in a tourist attraction in the year 2013? Kirk looks around and lets a silence pass before he speaks again.

"Why there?"

"I don't know, Captain, but I do know that we will have to travel back in time to catch him."

Kirk nods slowly as Mr. Spock walks over to his post. He rests his chin on his hand as he plunges into deep thought. After a few moments of staring out the glass, gazing into the stars, he flips a switch on the left arm of his chair, not even having to look. He rings up Mr. Scott, who works with the ship's engine. "Scotty" was his popular nickname, and he knew everything about the belly of the beast.

"Scotty," Kirk says, leaning back in the chair. "We're going to need some extra power."

"What for, sir?" Scotty's thick, familiar accent comes through. Anybody can identify Scotty just by hearing his voice.

"We're going to be traveling in time," Kirk replies.

"Yes Captain." Kirk flips the switch back, disconnecting Mr. Scott.

"Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov." The two men at the control panel, just in front of Captain Kirk, turn around to meet his full attention. "Be ready to stop above the atmosphere." Kirk turns to Spock and Uhura, who are both now turned to meet his orders.

"Mr. Spock, set the date for 2013. Lieutenant Uhura, keep the communications open."

"Yes captain," Uhura replies, and her and Spock go back to their posts.

Kirk looks down at the flips, switches and buttons on the arms of his chair and presses a button down to make an announcement to the entire crew of the NCC-1701.

"Attention, this is your captain speaking. We will be descending to just above the atmosphere of Earth, but first we're traveling back in time to the Earth date 2013. Prepare for departure. Mr. Spock, Mr. McCoy and I will be beaming down to attempt and catch the criminal we are searching after, along with a few other members of the crew. We shouldn't have to be gone less than six hours. Prepare for departure, Kirk out." He flips the switch and looks to Mr. Sulu, and nods. Mr. Sulu turns around and looks to Mr. Spock, who turns to the date on the monitor, and begins to adjust it.

"I've set the date to 2013, in Earth's years. Ready when you are. Mr. Sulu."

"Going back in time, sir." Sulu grabs onto a handle on the desk and turns it counter clockwise.

After the process of traveling back in time, a rather confusing process not easy to describe, Kirk flips a switch the same switch from before, to call Scotty.

"Scotty, have someone ready to beam us down. Keep the ship running, if we're not back in six hours, send a security team. Whoever this criminal is, he can't do much damage in a mall full of witnesses."

"Alright, Captain." Kirk disconnects Scotty and then connects to Dr. McCoy, or as he calls him, "Bones".

"Bones, be ready to beam down."

"We aren't staying in these uniforms, are we? We'll look like a bunch of damn fools if we keep these on."

"I've arranged for some jackets to wear, and a separate pair of shoes."

"What about Spock? Now I don't know a lot about Earth's history but I know enough that back in those days, there was no such thing as a Vulcan. What are we gonna do about him?"

"We have a wig. Meet me down there in ten minutes, Bones, I need you on this one."

"Alright, Jim." Kirk disconnects him and turns to Spock, who is ready to leave. Kirk turns to Uhura, who is still fixed on her communications.

"Lieutenant Uhura, why don't you accompany us? Go get Yeoman and meet us down there."

"This many people, Sir?"

Kirk nods. "If I remember correctly, this is a big place. In fact, Mr. Sulu, if I have to, I'll have you beamed down later."

"Sounds good to me, captain. I've heard about places like that, I think it'd be a wonder to see one."

Kirk cracks a slight smile and turns to Uhura. "We have different dresses for you and Yeoman, change quick and meet us down there."

"Yes, Captain."

—

Half an hour later, everyone is changed and ready to beam down to Earth's surface, the exact location being about a half a mile away from the Mall of America. Kirk and Bones have jackets on, exposing their shirts underneath but not enough to reveal the star fleet insignia on the left side. Spock wears a black wig, with hair long enough to cover his ears. When Bones walked in and saw Spock adorned in the wig, he doubled over in laughter. Now he is glancing at Spock from the side, snickering when Spock attempts to adjust it to fit his comfort level. Yeoman and Uhura are in longer, simpler dresses. They look just like regular tourists, except for Uhura's green looped earrings and Yeoman's massive beehive head of hair.

"Ready to beam down?" The officer at the desk asks, his hands on the controls. Kirk looks to everyone to make sure they're in position, then says back to the attendant. "All set. Beam us down."


	2. Chapter 2

**_(This was a real fun chapter to write! It's not too detailed, it's better if you imagine this story as if it were an episode!)_**

_Kirk here. We have arrived at the 'Mall of America'. We walked to the Eastern Entrance, along with massive amounts of others. Apparently, this 'Mall of America' is a very popular tourist attraction, a benefit to us as we will blend in. Among entrance, I realized the place was much bigger than I had expected, it may take longer than planned. There are over 400 stores here, thousands of people and four floors to search. I plan to split the group up for an easier search._

Kirk and the rest of the crew that just beamed down from the NCC 1701 Enterprise admire the mall. They take in the hundreds of people speed walking through the halls, going in and out of shops, and going on the rides in the 'Nickelodeon Universe', located in the center of the ground floor. Kirk and the gang stand to the side near the entrance to the Sea Life Aquarium, where Spock begins to look over the fish swimming around in the small display tank.

"Alright," Kirk gathers everyone together in front of the tank, away from the path of the crowd. He pulls a photograph out of his jacket pocket and shows it around for everyone to see. "This is Tom Campan, the escaped criminal we're looking for. If you see him, call it into me. Do not reveal a weapon of any sort, we don't have a good idea of what has and what hasn't been invented yet. Our best bet of finding him is to split up. If he sees us in a group like this, we're easy to spot. So, Yeoman and Uhura, take the West Market. Spock, Bones, take our left to the North Garden. I'm calling down Mr. Sulu later." Kirk turns to address his Yeoman, Janis, and Uhura. "I'll have you meet up with him later."Janis and Uhura nod and Kirk continues.

"I'm going to check with security, ask them if they've seen this man. The rest of you, go around and see if you can spot him in the crowd, if you can get any information at all. Let's get to it."

Janis and Uhura leave together, but Bones puts his hand on Kirk's shoulder while Spock returns to gazing at the fish.

"Hold up. You're going on your own?"

"I want to talk to security. It'll look suspicious if there's three of us. I can make something up, with three people it's tricky."

"Be careful, Jim." Bones lets go of Kirk's shoulder and takes up a separate tone when he talks to Spock, an aggravated tone.

"Come on, Spock."

"Captain," Spock says. "Call in if you need assistance."

"Same goes for you, Mr. Spock."

Bones and Spock walk around the corner to the right, heading for the West Garden. People pass by without noticing them; their star fleet symbols are covered and Spock's ears are covered by the wig. They pass Callister's Christmas store, but once they pass it, Bones stops in his tracks.

"Look at that, Mr. Spock."

Spock turns to look at where Bones is referring to.

"I believe that is a Build-A-Bear workshop store, Dr. McCoy."

"I know what is is," Bones replies hastily. They stop and watch as a group of small children, probably celebrating a birthday, walk out of the store. They each hold their own Build-A-Bear's, all different sorts of animals with different pieces of clothing on them. Bones has a smile on his face while he watches the children play happily with the toys, and turns to Spock, who displays his usual expressionless look.

"Smile, Spock," Bones says. "It's cute. Look at the little stuffed puppies and bears they're holding, they've got little people clothing on. The one kid with blond hair dressed his up like a karate master!"

"It is illogical to put human clothing on animals, there is no-"

Bones does a subtle eye roll and walks towards the store.

"Dr. McCoy," Spock begins, following Bones to the front of the store. Spock pulls Bones aside to stand in front of the waving mechanical bear, separating the store from its neighbor Hat World.

"Dr. McCoy," Spock begins, as Bones pulls his arm away from Spock's grasp. "We are keeping watch for the criminal Tom Campan, we do not have time to look in shops."

"Have some fun, Spock! Look, I have money," Bones takes money from his pocket to show Spock, a few hundred dollars worth. "I'm not leaving without spending at least half of this." He shoves the money back into his pocket and steps into the Build-A-Bear. They stand in front of the Build-A-Bear examples, and five minutes go by before Bones asks "Well, Spock? Which one do you like the most?"

"I do not understand, Dr. McCoy."

Bones rolls his eyes again, a frequent happening now.

"Look here, Spock." He walks over to the second to last example, the dog from Blues Clues. Spock follows Bones over to the display while Bones looks at the information.

"It's named 'Blues', it's blue, like your uniform. Why not get this one?"

"Dr. McCoy I do not see what getting one of these toys will accomplish."

"Why not try and explore the spectrum of human emotion, Spock?" Bones and Spock both turn around to face the shop, where young children are giving their new stuffed friends spa treatments and shopping for their clothes. "Look and see how happy these kids are, how much joy they get from receiving a new furry friend to play with. Access your human side, Spock. Roll with your emotions."

Spock examines some kids picking out a name for their stuffed animal as Dr. McCoy picks up a skin of the 'Blues' stuffed animal and hands it to him. Spock accepts it without question, but examines it before the two of them move on to the recording station. The two men sit down in front of the machine, and pick the option that lets you record your own message.

"Want your animal to say anything?"

"Animals cannot talk, the only logical thing for a dog to say would be "ruff" or "bark", one of the many onomatopoeias-"

"Then record that."

Spock presses the button, the voice instructs them to record at the tone. Once the tone hits, Spock begins to imitate a dog. In a very serious voice, Spock begins to say, "Ruff." Bones turns off the recording and hits the redo button immediately.

"C'mon, pointy ears! Put some soul into it. Like this," Bones hits the record button, they listen to the instructions again and the tone hits. Bones howls like a dog in a full moon into the record. Once the recording ends, he discards it.

"Like that, Spock. You sounded so robotic, make it sound real."

They go through the instructions and the tone, and Spock hesitates before letting out a deep howl. A few heads turn at Spock's deep voice, giving off a howl that doesn't exactly sound real but is close enough. Bones slaps Spock on the back once the recording ends, a smile on his face. "Now _that's_ what a real dog sounds like!"

Spock remains expressionless and without emotion, thought most people would be embarrassed in such situation.

"Now we gotta put the stuffing in."

The two men walk over to the stuffing center, the recording now ready to be put in. A young man sits at the center, probably college aged, wearing a Build-A-Bear apron. He looks confused when he sees two full grown men approach the stuffing center with no child.

"Welcome to the Build-A-Bear stuffing center!" His voice sounds scripted, especially since the introduction doesn't seem necessary for the two men. "Is this for your child?"

"No, this is for him." Bones points to Spock, who he knows won't try to defend himself. Bones tries to suppress a laugh as Spock nods to confirm that the toy is indeed for him.

"Alright," the stuffing attendant replies, taking the stuffed animal skin from Spock. He begins to put stuffing inside of it, and takes a tiny little heart from a basket on the counter.

The attendant asks Spock nervously, an unsure smile on his face, "…Do you want to make a wish?"

"Wishing is illogical, it does not increase or decrease the probability of whatever you are hoping to achieve."

"Ok," the attendant says, looking back down to the animal. Soon, Spock and Bones are stitching up the animal.

"What I don't understand is, why here? Why this period in time? And why his home planet?" Bones begins to look to Spock for answers, as they finish stitching and move to brush their dog at the spa station.

Spock holds the stuffed blue dog in his hands and brushes him with gentle strokes. "Species are drawn to their home planets. The time period does seem rather random."

"And this place, too. Why not hide out in a big place, like London or New York City?"

"Perhaps he didn't plan to come here."

"Maybe it was last minute."

Spock sets down the brush and they continue to the naming station.

"What do you want to name it?"

"I do not have any desire to name it."

"Alright," Bones sits down in the chair as Spock clutches the dog in his hands. "What should we name it?"

"This was your idea, Dr. McCoy, why don't you name it?"

"No, Spock, the dog is _yours_. You name it."

Spock takes a moment to think, while Bones looks over the birth certificate prototype on the screen.

"Officer Blue."

"_Officer Blue?_"

"Dr. McCoy, you told me that I could name this stuffed animal."

Bones shrugs and types the name into the certificate and soon the dog is in a box, adorned in a little blue collar. Spock carries it out of the store and Bones doesn't know whether he's proud of Spock for going along with human activity for once, proud of himself for getting Spock to do it, or amused at the fact that Spock not only has a black wig on, but is now carrying around a Build-A-Bear. He concludes that it's the last one.


End file.
